Seven Reasons Why I'm Never Lonely

 You can be alone, but not feel lonely. How?

                    Photo by Author            

I originally wrote this article on Medium.com in 2019. However, I came across this article recently realizing that with the Pandemic many people have suffered through isolation and loneliness. The article below will explain how you can be alone but not feel lonely whether employed or unemployed. I hope it helps.

I have been single, married, lived alone, and lived with other people. Whatever the timeframe in my life, I can’t remember ever being lonely.

Except once…

That exception was when I lived in Key West, Florida. An island surrounded by water on all sides, nestled in the ocean. For a few days I experienced a deep emptiness crawling inside of me. As fast it came was as fast as it left.

Currently, I am single with plenty of work to do. Working part-time, helping out my kids, and volunteering keeps me very busy. I also choose not to date. Consequently, people have often asked me if I get lonely. Easy answer. No.

After giving this some thought, I have come up with at least 7 reasons in my life for not feeling lonely. You may recognize some of these in your own life.

1. Mindset. I never think about being lonely. Negative thoughts can trigger negative emotions.
2. Don’t live in the past. Sometimes the past can start you thinking about regrets in your life. Those regrets, perhaps in relationships, can trigger a feeling of loneliness. Live in the moment.
3. Communicate and talk to other people, including strangers. This takes the focus off of yourself. Find enjoyment in people.
4. Develop spirituality. This should be at the top of my list. Open prayer and communication with the Creator. A spiritual person is focused on building inner qualities.
5. Laugh a lot. Taking things too serious can be a drain on your emotions.
6. Volunteer. Statistics show that people that volunteer are happier and healthier. When you are helping others, there is no time to think about being lonely.
7. Do something that makes you happy every day. It doesn’t need to be something big. Positive direction.

I do not work in the medical field. However, I hope that a few of these points can help you if you are feeling lonely.

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Always seek professional help if your loneliness is plummeting or your negative feelings are out of control.

Interviewing Skills that Will Land the Job

Can Stock Photo

Interviewing skills to land the job.  Right...you're thinking.  No doubt you have read many articles boasting about skills you need to land the job via the interviewing process.  However, I will tell you that I personally know someone who has excellent interviewing skills and most of the time lands the job. I have never seen anyone else get jobs so quickly.  Of course, that doesn't mean she accepts all of the offers.  Nevertheless, here are a few of her secrets she shared with me:

• Check out the company's web site before your interview. Read the "About Us" page. Sometimes the interviewer will ask you about what you know about the company. They are usually impressed if you can bring out an interesting fact or two.
  
• If it is an area of work or products you are not familiar with, then "Google" or "You Tube" away! You may be asked something about the nature of the business.
  
• Adjust your approach to the interviewer. You are usually told to be yourself. To a degree that is true. However, is the interviewer on the conservative side or are they blessed with a good sense of humor? Respond accordingly.
  
• Check out the reception area or the office you may be working around or in. What do the pictures tell you? Are there funny sayings on the wall? Are there family pictures on the desks? Observing the area around you, that is if you are not ushered to a barren conference room, will tell you a lot about the company atmosphere and the people running it. As such, relate in your conversation to something you have observed. For example, maybe you observed they like golf or fishing. If you like outdoor activities too, then let them know.  Pick familiar things to touch on in your conversation.

These techniques actually work. Incorporate one or all of the bullet points...and don't forget to relax before and during the interview. 

Whether Employed or Not--Starting and Keeping a New Habit Is Challenging

(c) Can Stock Photo / stuartmiles

It's always challenging when we decide to start something new, like a habit, in our life.  Of course, if you are currently working, your hours may already be strained with other essential commitments.  If you are currently looking for work, in the unemployed lines, then the time is there to start developing a positive habit but not necessarily the desire.  In both instances, here are a few tips that may help you kickstart a new habit that in time could profit your health, happiness, and pocketbook.

1.  Work on one habit at a time. Start small.  At times, we get an idea to do something and we go to the extreme on it. It must be a human thing.  However, we soon get discouraged because we can't finish the task we set out to complete.  Shoot low and reasonably.  If you want to add more vegetables to your diet that is currently deficient, then start with one added vegetable a day.  If you have left off juicing because time has gotten away from you, then start with a fresh juice every three days. Remember at first to keep the habit small and consistent.

2.  Have a good reason for this new habit.  In other words, concentrate on why you are starting this habit and its benefits.  Post a note in an obvious location as to the benefits of this new habit. Motivation, although small, can work its magic.  Perhaps you have trouble smiling and want to smile more.  Yes, nobody likes a grouch.  Try and make one person smile back at you when you smile at them. Do daily. Now you have brightened your day and theirs.  I'd say that's a good reason to continue your smiling habit.

3. Share or not to share with a friend.  Personally for me sharing doesn't always work. The added pressure of someone watching does not help me.  I do better if I keep it to myself if I am starting a new regimen or habit.  Believe me, I can be pretty tough on myself. However, some people need to share with someone.  Sharing with a buddy can help many people to continue their habit and stay accountable.  Just make sure you and your buddy have open communication or it will not help.

4. Don't give up or view as failure.  I could quote some sayings here, but basically it has been said that a new habit takes 21 days to form.  Don't look at it as failure.  Look at as a learning experience, especially about yourself.  You are learning what works and what doesn't work for you.

5.  Not all habits are equal.  Some habits that we need to form are of a serious nature and can be critical in our life.  A lifetime habit can be hard to stop while trying to incorporate a new one.  More serious things should be regulated and consulted with by professionals.

6.  Have a sense of humor.  Finding laughter in a new habit can lighten the air and actually help you to stay on track.  As with all things in life. laughter can get you through the smallest and biggest problems of life.

So my friend, start with one facet of your new habit, start small, reason on its benefits, don't give up, and by all means, learn to laugh at yourself (the good, bad, and ugly).  Remember, most good habits will lead to positive things such as better health, happiness, and possibly a profitable pocketbook.  

Sharpen Your Interviewing Skills

Photo - Pixabay.com

Oh the joys of going on a new job interview.  You know--the sweating palms and racing heart.  Can you prepare in a way that may shave off some of the fear and lack of confidence?  Yes.  Here is a link to a free video with additional training and information that may help you.  There are some great testimonials by people that have applied the advice in the video.  Let me know if this video helps you personally. The video is by Deniz Sasal. Here is the Landing Interviews Video.

Everyone Needs to Look Up Now and Then

This is certainly an odd title, "Everyone Needs to Look Up Now and Then."  I finished working with one of my clients the other night when I for some odd reason sat on the couch and looked up. I had been in this room many times but never noticed the beautiful fan fixture and high arched ceiling.  At that moment it struck me that we go through our every day life focused on what we have to do and at times miss seeing things around us.  Some of these things we miss are inconsequential; however, not everything.  What could you learn from visually looking up?

Everyone from time to time gets caught up in what they are doing.  In many cases, you need to be focused to complete your task.  However, looking up should have a deeper fulfillment and meaning. The next day after noticing the ceiling fan, I looked up at the sky.  No I mean really "looked."  My conclusion was a reminder of the complexity and beauty that surround us. It is humbling when you consider your small contribution to an already existent dynamic world. Why consider the quality of humility?

For the most part, people are taught to be assertive and strong.  That's fine at the right time. Yet, the quality of humility should lace your life.  A humble person considers other people and their feelings. Their speech and tone is considerate and not arrogant when dealing in various situations. Being humble, let's not forget kind, will positively affect your life.  Humility allows you to tap into the challenges others face. When other people feel you care, communication opens up. When communication opens, your world changes.  This applies in every situation in life.

Employed or unemployed, look up now and then.  Allow yourself to try and understand the bigger picture of things surrounding you.  See that the world around you is dynamic, complex, and intriguing. Slow down, look up, and connect with the smaller less noticeable things in life which may make a huge difference in your life.  Oh, and when you do look up, make sure you know why the sky is blue!

Unemployed or Employed--Should You Decompress?

                                                                             

At times the sudden loss of a job can throw you totally off your game. Even for those who are well aware they will be unemployed at a future date it can be challenging.  In addition, living in this stressful world life is full of many unexpected and expected markers.  Facing these daily challenges of family issues, aging, sickness, and many more things too numerous to mention can mount up without you realizing its negative impact on you.  So, what can you do?  Yes, decompress.

To decompress simply means to release something from pressure or compression. Obviously, you can't hide under a rock. Life will continue to throw you stuff. However, you can for a short period of time do a few things to relieve your pressure so you can feel in charge and back on track again.  Here are a few things that might help you.

1.  Let your friends know that you are in a decompress mode for a while.  Let them know you do not want to discuss negative events or problems.  It's time to fill your mind with positive reflections.

2.  Cut down your exposure to electronic devices such as your PC or smartphone.  Stop checking your e-mail every few minutes.  You can program your phone to only ring on ones you have specified such as immediate family members.  Not sure if all phones have this feature.  Simplify for a while.

3.  Connect with nature.  Whatever the season, take a walk outside.  If weather warrants it, take a stroll through your favorite park.  Don't use this time to think about problems; use this time to relax and create positive thoughts.

4.  Do something that relaxes you such as going to the movies, painting a picture, or reading a new book.  Make sure you do something you wouldn't normally do because of your busy schedule.  Make time for YOU.

5.  Get a little bit more sleep.  The majority of adults today do not get enough rest.  They stay up too late watching television or surfing the web.  Healing of the body and mind requires the right amount of sleep to rejuvenate.

6.  Get a massage or manicure.  The relaxation of a good massage can do wonders to relieve your pressure.

7.  Don't jump back into the rat race too soon.  Take enough time to get your bearings and equilibrium back again.

Trying to decompress is not easy.  Once you have mastered this though, you will begin to handle life's greatest challenges again, even finding a job.  Also, don't be afraid to decompress for a day if you feel on overload. The world will be yours again with sharpened clarity and regained balance.

Unemployed...Don't Give Up

Today's weather was stormy and black.  However, within a few hours the bad weather had lifted and the sun was shining brightly.  I thought...this is life.  I know it sounds corny.  Yet, whether unemployed or even employed, life will continue to throw you some tough curves.  Don't give up. If you are patient, you will see the sun shine again!

Not Employed Might Be Your Fault Now

You are still not working despite your best efforts to find employment.  Granted, the last few years have been rough for millions in a sick economy.    However, before you get too defensive, let me tell you what I am talking about.  If you have been unemployed for a number of years and you do not collect unemployment anymore, it is time to kick-start some type of work in your life.  Why?

The longer you are not generating work for yourself, the harder it is to get back into the routine of things. As time goes on, you may even begin to doubt your own self-worth.   Stop now.  You are valuable in so many ways. Each and every human being has honorable qualities and positive skills that are beneficial to themselves and others.  That being said, what are some options you can explore?

Besides temporary jobs, self-employment, and going back to school, there are other opportunities. Stop looking for the same type of work in the same fields.  Don't look at the pay scale either. What? For instance, look at what type of things you like to do outside work.  Do you enjoy shopping, swimming, or cooking?  There are jobs in all of these fields you may want to consider. A person who enjoys shopping might enjoy working in a retail store that sells fashionable clothing. Or, if you like sports, what about some type of job working at a health club? Do you see where I am going with this? It's more important that you get back out into the workplace despite the salary you may have made before. This would be a positive and forward direction.

Let's say for example that you get a job working at Starbucks Coffee Company.  Not your field of work; nevertheless, you are working.  What could be some benefits to consider?  Here are a few: 

1. Meeting People Again
2. Learning a New Skill
3. Making Some Money
4. Ability to Network 
5. Self-Esteem Soars
6. Realization That Your Life Isn't That Bad After All!
7. Breaking the Couch-Potato Syndrome
8. Establishing a Routine Again
9. Happier 
10. Additional Employment to List On Your Resume

I wrote this post not to upset or offend you.  No doubt you truly have tried your best to no avail when it has come to work.  I wanted to encourage you to try something different, perhaps not part of your mindset.  Although I am retired, I have recently been working as a companion caregiver. This is totally different than my experience in administrative work.  However, it has been great--a real eye-opener to the world of the elderly,  I have a learned a lot of new things I didn't have a clue about.  

You have nothing to lose at this point.  Be bold and adventurous!  Happiness can come from the least suspected areas...